sapphireeyes08

Well a lot has happened since I last posted. I got through the one year anniversary of my Grandfather's death without completely breaking down. I have met so many wonderful people at church. Derrick, Matt and Mark have all helped me get through so much. I guess I'm closer to Derrick because I've told him so much more than I've told a lot of people. Sometimes I feel really immature when I'm around him and I guess it's because he's a year older than me but usually I have a bunch of fun with him. Matt and Mark are twins but are quite different. Mark's a little more outgoing and practically squeezes me to death when he hugs me. Matt's more gentle and not quite as outgoing but he's also the more fashionable of the two. I'm still trying to get to know both of them but it's been easier for me to talk to Mark lately. I don't know why that is but I'm fine with it. Exams start tuesday and I'm quite nervous. The first day will be the hardest though. I have AP English and AP Biology on that day. I think I have a good chance of doing well on english but I know Biology is going to be really tough. On top of exams, I'm trying to get ready for our Mock Trial competition in February and Fine Arts at church starting in March. Needless to say I have a lot on my plate right now. I haven't spent much time with hannah (my best friend) cause of school and I miss her bunches :( Buttt we've already made plans to have a complete girl's day after exams are over and I'm really excited about that :)). Ok, I guess I better get back to studying.

 Today was the third day of school and I can already tell this year is going to be hard. I have an enormous amount of assignments in yearbook along with deadlines for each one, ap stats is proving harder than I had anticipated, and my french teacher is...well I'm not sure how to describe him. Biology is definitely going to be one of my favorite classes because Mrs.Dunn is hilarious and looooves biology. This weekend is our first three day weekend of the school year and I have to go to my grandmother's house. I don't know why my parents want to go up there since we see her two other times during the year anyway. I would much rather be spending that time with someone else...who most of you have heard me talk about already. I found out today that he has my lunch and the fifth period class right beside me so this year should be interesting to say the least. I'm really hoping things go well with us because I think that's what I need right now. I started filling out my application for Carolina tonight and now I'm scared. I'm actually leaving my friends next year and it's scaring the shit out of me. I just don't know if I'm ready to leave yet. I guess in a way I have to be. Anyways...I'm ready for graduation and it's 9 months away...shoot me now. We graduate on a friday at 8:30 at night...need I remind you that our class is more than 600 kids and my last name starts with a w. I'll be asleep by the time they get to my name. Oh yea, and then we're expected to go out and party rightttt?? I guess I'll find the energy to do that. Today James was like "oh man, that means I have to stay sober the whole day"...i just looked at him (and for those of you who don't know james, yes he was joking). School is already wearing me out so I'm gonna go lay down and watch tv until bed time.

Well, today was the first day of school and it sucked...beyond belief. Our english teacher scared the class half to death by saying "you will have no social life this year", I got a very interesting job in Yearbook (which I actually think is a sign), and I really don't think my french teacher knows what he is doing. After Halloween, we won't be able to speak anything but french in there. Now that should be interesting. Biology actually seems like it's going to be a lot of fun because I love my teacher and she seems so excited about the class. My Stats teacher is really nice too so I think I might succeed in that class. Yearbook should be interesting...I still don't know what's going on with one of my best friends. I don't know if she's still mad at me or not...cause she actually said something to me. I didn't expect that. Today I had to make a really hard decision too. I'm taking a break from someone I care a lot about. I hoped I would never have to but I think we both need it. With school starting, I just need to focus. It's my last year and I have to do well if I'm gonna apply to Virginia Tech. That's my dream school now and I am so excited. For once, I'm looking forward to my future. Sometimes I think maybe I really should be a writer because I'm good at it and it's always been a passion of mine but on the other hand, I loooove fashion and the industry just keeps on growing. So I have my eyes set on fashion right now. My mom told me we graduate June 6th...and I just couldn't believe it. I'm graduating from high school...and it feels so unreal. At one point I thought I was going to be stuck in high school forever. But now the end has come and I can't believe it. Well...I'm off to work on AP Bio. Have a good week kiddies!

Well summer is almost over....4 days and we'll be back in school. I'm still on shaky grounds with some of my friends but I'm hoping they'll get better as the year goes on. WE'RE FINALLY SENIORS!!! Sorry, I just couldn't resist. At the beginning of the summer I promised myself that I wouldn't go looking for a relationship over the summer. And I was doing great until someone came back into my life. My ex-boyfriend decided he wants to be friends again. At first I was so apprehensive because he had hurt me so bad so many times. I just didn't know if I could do it again. Well, we've already hung out three times this week. First was lunch on Wednesday...which was a lot of fun. Then yesterday Hannah Choe and I visited him at work for about an hour. That was kinda akward...but still fun. Then last night he came over around 8 and we watched a movie. Now that was the best part of the week. It had been forever since we had been alone together. We held hands and it was just so cute. My Mom has fallen in love with him. That has to be a good thing right? For the second time in my life, I felt comfortable in a guys arms. And guess who was the first? That's right, it was him. Back in 9th grade when we dated (a very short time might I add) he made me feel so happy. And for once, I'm feeling that again. I talked to Lizzie last night about it and I came to realize something. Maybe we both needed to grow up more before we could actually be together. I don't want to get my hopes up just to have them crushed back down again, but things are finally looking up for me. We have such a different relationship. We both have the same ideas about relationships and we just enjoy each other's company. He's willing to listen to me and admit that he made mistakes. But he's putting all of that behind him and moving on with his life. I'm proud of him for that too. Never did I think he would admit that he needed to change. And he has changed. I can honestly say that I believe he has changed. It's a great feeling too; knowing that someone has come into my life who is a good person and who I think will stick around and who I hope will stick around. This is a huge leap for me. I never in my life thought I would talk to him again but now I'm really glad we're friends again (maybe something more? idk). I didn't know that it was possible to come to care for someone this much in such a short time.

Ok, I am officially in love with Europe. I'm currently in Amboise, which is a small town in France. We arrived today from Paris. It was about a 2 hour train ride which was actually quite fun. Paris is absolutely amazing! We were there for four nights in the cutest little hotel right near the center of town. The Arc de Triomphe was literally a 15 minute walk from the hotel. We spent most of our time in Paris doing all of the tourist-y things. We went to the Eiffel Tower where my brother and dad rode the elevator to the top ( I refused b/c of my fear of heights), the Louvre where I actually saw the Mona Lisa, the Rodin where I got to see the famous sculpture "the kiss", the top of the Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame, and Versailles. We got to see a lot of the city the second day we were there because we had the smart idea to take a tour bus around the city. We were in England for a week before we came to France and it was so much fun. London is not my favorite city, except for the shopping and the parks. It was just way too busy and everybody was in such a rush to get places. But I must say I managed to master the Underground (subway). After a few days in London we went to Bath which was absolutely beautiful. If I could have stayed there the rest of the trip I would have. It was such a cute little town with shops and cafes lining the streets. The first day we were there we went to see the Roman Baths which were really cool (but I suggest not tasting the water from the fountain if you ever go). Then we went on a tour to Stonehenge and a few other towns near Bath the next day. That's when I got to see the Abbey where they filmed parts of the first two Harry Potter movies (pictures coming soon). England's country-side is absolutely gorgeous! There were gardens and fields stretching for miles in some places. This trip has definitely been an adventure and I will truly miss it when I leave. I would love to come back sometime in the near future because Europe has captured my heart <3

I realized something today...all I want right now is to know people's stories. I want to know what makes people's lives go round. So I'm starting now....I want to listen to your stories. So I have one question... What's your story?
This is what I have so far:
MY story? well let's see there's not much to tell.... i'm an egyptian princess who fell in love with an Indian elephant trader, and now i have 5 kids and we live in Dijubudi. THE END.
That's the story my best friend told me...she is one creative person
Once upon a time there was a girl named Emma
Emma was beautiful princess who lived in a kingdom fairly close
her kingdom was called
"Raleigh"
It was the fairest kingdom of them all, next to the evil Winston-Salemeth kingdom which was run by the evil brothers Tim and Christopher Smith
mwahahahha
She spent her days dressing up until one day Tim and Chris came to her door and said
"Surrender your kingdom or else we shall make you fat by eating tons and tons of doughnuts"
Knowing she must keep her figure, she gave the kindgom away, but on the decree she put on a bomb
so when Tim and Chris when home, they exploded along with the deed to her kingdom
She still had the kingdom and the evil kingdom was gone for good
And she lived happily ever after
The End
...or is it?
"I....Jameseth Geoghan...will make a new kingdom in Winston-Salem and make it even more dangerous then before...mwahahhahahaha"
Until next time....
Not quite what I meant...but it still reveals a creative mind
here is my story:)

ONCE UPON A TIME!!
there was a stunningly good lookin' boy named James Ryan Geoghegan
he worked in a place where the light never shines. where the air is never fresh and where the ground is never clean. James was very sad, for he was forced to work by his EVIL NASTYY EVIL father...:(
one day .. a magical fairy appeared to james and was all like
" hello james! i am here to save you from your suffering!!"
and james was all like " HORRAY JOY SUPREME!!"

and then James woke up
Such a sad story
so this one time patrick and i were out on the back deck laying on our backs watching the sky to see who chould see a shooting star 1st. So we were layin' there and there was this light that was dim, but not too dim. just kinda dim. anyways so it was there and it was small, then it went out and right away it appeared again a little below where the 1st was. then it did the same thing again. then all the sudden it turned and did a loopedy loopy! and shot across the sky to where we couldn't see it anymore. it was way way too fast to be an airplane and it was scary and i ran inside becasue i was scared . i will no longer stargaze by myself.. cause im scared. cause i saw and alien and i am not lying!! THEY LIVEEEE
Some people really like telling stories

Ok so I've decided to stop being such a drama queen in these "journals" (if you can even call them that). My last one I wrote was private because I said some things in there I'm not quite ready for other people to hear. Maybe I'll be ready some day, just not yet. Well, I leave for the beach on Friday with Austyn and I am suppppeeerrrr excited. I really didn't realize just how much she means to me until lately. Emily and I had a long chat today about life and boys and it was refreshing to have another outlook on things like these. I've been having serious mental debates with myself about when I'm going to find someone to be with and Emily had a very good point. She told me that if it's meant to happen, it'll just happen. I can't spend my life waiting for something to happen otherwise I'll waste a lot of valuable time. I've decided that it doesn't matter if anything happens right away. If I find someone, great; if not, fine. Emily (and I) think it would be amazing if I met someone while I'm in Europe and when I leave, then I'll be happy that something happened but I don't have to worry about following through with it. Unless they just happen to move to America and go to Northwest next year. But we also decided that's not very realistic (and way too Grease to happen). We've also decided that Senior year is the time to party it up. Ok, maybe not literally party but definitely not put up with any drama that just might happen to come our way. Of course there will be a few partie thrown in there from time to time (it is us after all). We definitely know how to party, right Emily? So, the countdown to Europe continues to grow smaller. Right now it's at 21 days until I leave. I'll be in England for a week and then France for a week. OMG there are no words to explain how excited I am. Two whole weeks in a country I've never been to but I've always wanted to go to is beyond words. Expect manymanymany pictures when I get back. And while I'm over there I have to get used to the fact that I won't have my computer or cell phone so I will mainly be relying on snail mail to communicate with my friends. Those of you who have given me your adress shall be expecting many letters while I'm over there. But of course I won't ever be able to explain on a few pages my (hopefully) amazing escapades over in Europe. Ok, I'm signing off for tonight. Have a good week kiddies :D

It's summer break and I'm sick. This sucks beyond belief. Moving on to more important things though....I am so tired of not being able to make up my mind. I can't decide if I like him. If I do...that ruins our friendship. If I don't...that makes things so much easier. The few relationships I've had have all failed miserably. I'm only on good terms with one of my ex-boyfriends.That doesn't mean we talk everyday but when we do it's a lot better than right after we broke up. I almost feel sick inside because the one guy who meant so much to me has disappointed me so much this year and I just can't look at him the same. Right now, I can honestly say there's only one guy who I really like talking to and he's over a thousand miles away from me. I want to see him this summer...but I don't know if it's going to happen. He's been here for me through so much shit this year. I can't begin to thank him for it either. My friends may not understand why I talk to him but they don't have to. It seems like so many of my friends have guys in their lives that it makes me really sad I don't have one. First there's Erin and Isaac (who are adorable), then there's Hannah and James (who are beyond adorable), then there's Gabby and Chase, then there's Whitley and Zach, and then there's Lizzie and Ryan. I just want to find someone I can be with who understands me and who I really like to be with. Is that really so much to ask for? People keep telling me I'll find someone eventually...but when will eventually come? I'm tired of waiting for it. I thought I was ok not liking someone right now, and I must admit it's kind of freeing, but at the same time I just want to feel "that" way about someone again and have them feel it too. I know I'll be leaving for college in just over a year but who says I can't have fun between now and then? Speaking of college, I got something from Drexel today and apparently they really want me to come there. I'm considering it...but it's so far away. Pennsylvania is so far that I don't know if I could leave the east coast. I know I probably will but I'm just not ready to quite yet. As long as I get out of Greensboro I'll be fine. Ohmygosh I can't believe I'm going to be a freaking senior next year! It's going to be an amazing year and I am so looking forward to it. I don't know what to expect but I don't care. It will be my last year at Northwest and I thank God for that. No more of this dumb high school drama and no more dumb little cliques. I'm so ready for something new it's not even funny. I just want to meet new people and experience new things.  

It's 7:53 in the morning on summer break and I'm awake. I don't knw why either. My throat hurts, my nose is stopped up, and I feel like shit. I leave next Wednesday for Indianna and I'm really excited because I get to see Maddie who I haven't seen in like a year. The last time I saw her we were giving our numbers to some guy who lives in Virginia. Now that was an interesting trip to the beach. Needless to say that guy ended up being a complete asshole. Moving on...it's so hard to believe that it's been almost a year since I last saw all of my LeadAmerica friends. That trip was possibly the most amazing summer trip I've ever been on. I don't think any of us really told each other how we really felt until the day before we left. We had a "pot of gold" that we passed around the group and got everyone to sign. One of the guys told me that he
really likes the way I talk. We ended up talking a lot after the conference but it kind of faded out after a few weeks. But it was nice while it lasted. Meeting Veronica was also a big eye opener. She taught me so much about myself that I never knew. I'm trying my hardest to get up to Michigan to see her but my parents are being way too difficult. Aside from going up to Michigan this summer I'm going to Europe for two weeks which I am sooooo excited about. I've never been to Europe before so this will definitely be something new for me. One of my friends thinks I'm gonna come back with 5 european boyfriend. I laughed hysterically when she said that. Now that's what I call a long distance relationship. But I would have a reason to go back to Europe.... Moving on, I can honestly say I'm completely over the one guy I liked so much for a whole year. I am so glad I can finally say that, too. It has taken so much for me to get over him and it hurt for so long. Right now I'm glad to say that I don't have feelings for anyone right now and it's really freeing. I don't have to worry about getting hurt by someone. Now I can concentrate on other things. Like the fact that it's summer time and I'm ready to have fun! It's going to be one amazing summer break :D

Last Monday was Papaw's birthday. He would have been 73 this year. I went to see his grave for the first time since he died. That was the hardest thing to do besides saying goodbye to him in the first place. My mom and I put a flag and some flowers at his grave. I realized how much I really do miss him and just how mad I am at his wife. She's ruined everything  about his death. I try not to think about it though cause it puts me in a really bad mood. I thought it was appropriate though that his birthday was on Memorial Day. For anyone who didn't know my grandfather, he was a fighter in every aspect of his life. I miss him soooooo much it's not even funny. This past week was really hard because I began to actually realize that I'll never have another Christmas with him and no more family trips with him. And I realized that no matter how hard I try...I'll always miss him. He'll never get to meet any of my boyfriends, see me all dressed up for prom, and one day...get married. That hurts more than anything I have ever felt. 
On a lighter note....this weekend was amazing. I met some pretty cool guys from Virginia. Their names are Noah and Daniel and they're friends with Isaac. Ahhh Noah has such a pretty voice and both of them can play the guitar reallllly well. They were such nice guys. It was a big change from the guys I'm used to being around all the time. Erin and I decided we're going to move to Virginia because we hate pretty much all of the guys in North Carolina (except for a select few). Hah and now Daniel and Isaac are the background on my phone because they stole it and started making videos with it. Noah was hilarious...he uses more hairspray than I do when I go to dances and that is saying something. But he's a pretty cool guy...I mean he actually wanted to hang out with us allllll day yesterday. Daniel was pretty cool too. He is a lot quieter than Noah (Noah never stopped talking) but he says a lot when he does speak. He made us feel really comfortable to just be around him. We watched V for Vendetta when they were over at Erin's and Noah actually fell asleep. Then he woke up and started explaining the movie to us...now that was funny. Noah mesmerized me with his music before he left. Oh man...he played the most beautiful song and sang along. As my grandmother said...they were the perfect southern gentlemen. Haha...Erin and Noah argued over who was going to sit in the front seat on the way home...it was cute. Then when Isaac's mom threatened to come pick them up early from Erin's, Erin suggested we say that Noah had an emotional attatchment to me and couldn't bare to be apart from me but she ended up falling asleep so we didn't have to worry about that. I wish I could have seen them one last time before they left today but I'm sureeee I'll be seeing them again soon.

I loooove this time of year. Namely because school's almost out and summer is finally here. But it also means getting out of g-boro for a little while. I'm not gonna be here much this summer because I'm going to Indianna in June and Europe in July then maybe Michigan in August before school starts back. I'm always up for a chance to get out of this town, even if it's just for a little while. Summer of '06 is gonna be pretty hard to beat because it was absolutely amazing. First there was the beach for a week with Maddie and oh the joys we had. Haha...Robbie from Virginia who ended up being a complete ass but it was fun for the time being. Going down to John's for the best milkshakes this side of the US. Oh man and then there was New York...where do I even start? I remember I was soooo nervous to fly up there because I had never been and I knew Ashley and I weren't going to be roommates. Then I met Sahar and Veronica and Kayla (aka Kous Kous). They pretty much made my summer. Veronica taught me so much. Not just about what we were in New York to do..but about life in general. We definitely got along better than a lot of people there and that just made saying goodbye to each other so much harder. Let's just say I didn't stop crying the day before we left and then the day that we actually did leave. I was a complete mess because for once I met someone who really understood a lot about me and would slap me back into reality when I got in too deep. She also introduced me to a pretty cool kid that I talk to a lotttt now. Although we haven't seen each other in almost a year...she is still a huge part of my life. Oh and who could forget my surprise party that emily threw for me? now that was amazzzzing! gah I had soooo much fun. I got to see people I never thought I'd see again. I mean I did have a big pink stain on the back of my neck from Leigh smushing a strawberry against me. And I looked so gross afterwards...but it was worth it. Emily is like a master a planning surprises and keeping them. Apparently she had been planning this thing since the end of school and somehow I had absolutely no idea. I got the best birthday present everrr from Gabby :) haha let's not think about that now. junior year has been extremely hard...just like my brother warned me. I guess I should listen to him sometimes. buttt it's almost over and I can't wait...because I'm dedicating this summer to my friends. I'm going to spend as much time with them as possible because this year has just been all too stressful. ok I'm in a good mood so I'm gonna head off to youth group. have a good looong weekend my loves!

Well the school year is coming to a close and I am so excited. At the same time though...I'm not too happy. It seems like everyone around me is finding that one person that they can't get enough of...and I'm not. Sure there are people that I looove talking to but it's not the same as actually "being" with someone. I just realized I gave up one of the best relationships I'll ever have and I hate myself for that because now we're not even talking. If you're reading this...you know who you are. I'm saying this now because I've never said it before...I'm sorry and I mean it this time. I don't know why I let us get to the point of not even being able to look at each other. Relationships just aren't my thing. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I can't figure out but when I do...I want to be able to say that we're friends. On another subject though, somebody told me something today that I wish I didn't know. I can't keep going back to the same person over and over and right now that's what I'm doing. Maybe I just need someone to slap me upside the head and tell me I need a reality check but I just know for sure that I cannot keep going back to you! So please, stop pulling me back. Now on to the one person I never thought I'd talk to again...I'm glad we are talking again. It's wierd though because you know so much about the old me but I've changed a lot since last year. I'm stronger but weaker at the same time. You're probably the only person who will ever always  have a place in my heart. At the same time, you're leaving in August and there's a good chance I'll never see you again. I don't want that to happen because you understand me so well but I can't stop fate. Promise me that we'll stay in touch this time. Let me know how college is going and how life is. I'm gonna miss you...oh wait, I already do

I have been completely stressed for about the last week but I decided last night that I'm not going to get anything accomplished by being stressed. AP exams start on Friday with AP US History and then I have AP Environmental the next Tuesday. I'm not worried about the Environmental exam but I'm very scared about the APUSH exam. This has been a really hard year not only in school, just overall. In November I lost my grandfather, then one of my friends stopped talking to me, then I got in a huge fight with one of my other friends and haven't talked to him much since, then I got into a really bad carr accident in March, and then someone ran into my brand new car two weeks later. I guess I still haven't really recovered from the car accident mentally because everytime I get into my car I just keep flashing back. I've told a lot of people that I don't remember anything from the wreck, but I do. I remember a lot actually. I can still feel the glass hitting me as it broke, my head slamming forward, waking up and telling Erin how sorry I was, feeling the heat radiate from I don't know what. That's not all though, I remember being put into the ambulance and hearing everybody who was outside at the wreck and the breeze once I was taken out of the car. Maybe my mind has just blocked all of this out so that it makes it even the tiniest bit easier to move past this. My best friend (who was in the car wreck with me) and I haven't been able to talk the same since and I hate because I've always told her everything. I miss that connection we used to have and I want to get that back but I don't know how. And then there's everybody else...the guy I'm falling for (even though I really shouldn't be) continues to talk to me about all of these other girls and I feel like smacking him upside the head, there's so much drama going on with a bunch of my other friends, and one last thing...I'M READY TO GET OUT OF HERE! Christina and I actually talked about this yesterday in class and about how ready we are to get out of here. Of course we were listening to "Soco Amaretto Lime" by Brand New talking about staying eighteen forever and just getting away which is exactly what I want to do. I'm ready to graduate from high school right now and just leave Greensboro. I'm so sick of seeing the one place that I though I would love forever change so much. Landmarkers from my childhood are disappearing and it sucks so much. My best friend is in Atlanta this weekend for a gym meet (in which she placed 1st in both of her events!) and I miss her a lot. We've hung out a lot lately and she's gotten me through so much. She's truly the only person I can tell everything to and not feel like she's going to judge me. I guess that's why we've been best friends since we were 5 years old. I guess we've helped each other with of boy problems over the last few years and haven't really realized that that we're giving each other practically the same advice, but it's easier to listen to someone else say it and accept it than listen to yourself say it and accept it. But we're going to spend as much time together this summer as we can no matter how busy we are.
Ok...that's my spill for the weekend

I hate school! ok...now that I got that out let me continue. I am soooo stressed it's not even funny. I have a freaking college project due a week from tomorrow that I'm not even close to being done with, I have to write 30-35 pages of short stories within the next few weeks, I have the SAT on saturday, prom is a little more than a week away, and AP exams start next week. I just can't handle all of this. It's giving me a headache and I just wish high school was over. everyday i have to go back makes me wish i was out of there even more. will someone please save me?

It's officially less than a month until school ends and I cannot wait. I've got such a busy summer this year. At the end of June I'm going up to Indianna to visit one of my friends and maybe heading up to Michigan for a few days to see another friend. My birthday is in the middle of July so I want to rent a boat and take my friends out on the lake for the day which would be absolutely amazing! Then I leave five days after that for Englad. Well actually, I fly into Amsterdam first...but oh well. I'll be in Europe for two weeks. I am sooo excited! I'm actually hoping that this will give me a chance to just get away from everything that's going on in my life right now. I'm falling for someone that I'm not supposed to and it sucks. He has no idea either...well maybe he does but I wouldn't know. Everytime I talk to him something about me changes. Maybe it's the way that I look at the world since we became friends that has changed but whatever it is, I like it. I don't like seeing him as more than a friend because I refuse to lose a friendship like ours but I can't help it. Hopefully he'll get the point someday. Prom is less than two weeks away and I'm going with 13 of my closest friends...that should be interesting. And somehow our group has more people leaving with us than it does going in the first place. Yea I'm not sure how that works but whatever. Everybody says that prom is supposed to be the best night of your life...I hope it lives up to my expectations. Right now I'm just ready for school to be over...I'm tired of all of the drama it brings. I'm really just ready for high school to be over.